It always begins with bill day. But it has been getting worse and worse. Like many, there is just not enough money at the end of the payday to make good on all the debts incurred over the past several years.
Debt is like a snowball; it starts out small and it is relatively easy to push around, but the more and more it is rolled, the bigger and bigger it gets until it is no longer able to be pushed because of its size and weight. Well, here I am, nearly crushed by the weight and size of my debts. And I panic at the thought that I am unable to write a full tithe. I am sick to my stomach.
I am sick to my stomach with guilt. I feel the weight of my sinful actions upon me. I feel unworthy of His blessings.
That was Friday past.
Fast forward to Sunday morning.
The songs were sung and the offering collected and the Scripture reading was read, in order, as usual. But unusual was my hearing. Unusual was my response. Never before in my twenty four years of listening to the Word being read, did this happen to me!
Welling up inside, my mind raced, whaaaat is this? Warm trickles overflowed and I could not stop them. I had tears in the hearing of God’s Word. There was no new speaker emoting with fevered preaching. There was no moving testimony reaching into the memory core of like experience. It was just the familiar voice of our assistant pastor quietly and evenly reading. The Word alone triggered my tears.
Tears in the hearing. God was speaking to me.
God’s Word is powerful.
God’s Word is alive.
The Holy Spirit filled me to overflowing and I was saturated in the love of the Father; enveloped in the arms of Grace. My Guilt was absorbed by the Word and I found myself being forgiven. Accepted. Loved absolutely.
In the very moment!
Since Friday, I had been carrying the weight and since Friday I had been desiring forgiveness for my failing. Loving the LORD, I hoped.
And the Words were read and received:
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – for she loved much.” Luke 7:47
The welling up began with the woman standing behind Jesus weeping (Luke 7:38). That was me, in my imagination, I related. Since Friday I had been weeping in my heart over my sin; the sin of not trusting God for so many things. The sin of thinking I could do it all on my own; of pride.
Broken and repaired simultaneously, the tears rolled and fell.
The unusual is that in the innermost depths of my heart, I came seeking. Days before I had been consciously seeking. Loving, and with hope, I entered the sanctuary.
God knew that. And He met me with open arms and spoke right into my very soul.
What an awesome Father is He!
Praise His Holy Name!