I am Who I am, Now

First, Big Bang shock.

Second, 4 Anchors and a Plan.

Next, Towdah.

Now what?

Seemingly, it should end there with a heart of thanksgiving.

But,

Before it all, I was me – secure, confident, and in control.

Did you feel the same?

During the trial of cancer, I was the sick one, the weak one, the one wondering if she would still live.  Everything was happening to me

…and I could not stop any of it!  Humiliation stripped me of dignity; I felt like an abandoned shell on the sandy shore;

Where did I go?

Do you know what I am saying?

After all the painful surgeries, the horrible treatments and their side effects, I stood still…wondering,

Who am I now?

Altered in body, altered in mind, altered in spirit,…some.  There is loss and grief to deal with; my life is not the same as “Before” nor will it ever be.

You cannot expect to go back to life exactly as it was before the Big Bang event that changed your life in an instant!

I wish I knew that.  But I didn’t. And it took a fair length of time to both realize and acknowledge the fact.

Suffering took on the name: identity crisis.  I did not fit into my old life – it was not like falling off a bicycle and getting back on again.  My tires were flat, the chain was rusty, I think I needed some training wheels!  It took time to learn how to balance and steer and maneuver the corners.

My 5 year clean Anniversary, came and went; a chapter of my life has closed and I am who I am, now.

Currently,

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I am being renewed from the inside out, I am learning how to see more clearly, and be, what I was all along:

a child of the Father;

loved.

You are too you know.  You are a child of the Father and you are loved!

 

 

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