What is it that Fills your Darkness?

Accept support.  Stick to the plan.  Stay vulnerable.  Trust God.


Even still…Darkness seeps in like fog curling and swirling, pushed by the wind, wrapping it’s tendrils around the anchors yanking them up and out. Doubt, and fear, and tangible offenses like nausea, burns, nosebleeds, and pain of various origins fills my darkness.

What is it that fills your darkness?

As the seeping continues, I find I have to make a decision. Do I focus on the darkness or do I focus on the light?  Poor-little-old-me parties tauntingly invite me to focus on the darkness and curse it.  Yet, the light offers me rest, healing, and peace through thankfulness.

Friend, it’s all about attitude.

“I realized that the way to attaining joy and rejoicing in my sufferings was to have a heart of thanksgiving.  Through the offering, the sacrifice of thanksgiving, I entered into relationship with God Himself.” (p. 92 Towdah)

Thank God for all He has done and will do for you, even before you see or experience it; trust Him for it all.  That is “Towdah!”

“On May 22, 2011, I sat still and thanked God for my cancer.” (p 93 Towdah)


How could I do that you might ask?

By keeping my eyes on Jesus and seeing Him in all the glory that He is;

He sacrificed His life for mine and He lives, now, to assure me, carry me, and offer me salvation fully.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

Friend, THANK the LORD through the trial – no matter what trial it is that has you undone.

“…he who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.” Psalm 50: 23

Thank God for it all – the good, the bad, and the ugly…and you will be renewed.  You will be shown salvation in the fullest sense!

What is it that fills your darkness?

Turn. Instead, fill it with Thanksgiving and you will unfurl those dark tendrils and

You will be IN the light!

But Mom, “He could be another Hitler!…”

But Mom, “He could be another Hitler!…”

“Can we move to Canada?” inquires the daughter

We can’t run from our problems,”answers the Dad.


what do we do?

Originally, it was the people who begged for a king, because they didn’t appreciate or acknowledge that God, the King of kings, was enough.  And so in the end, God conceded and gave the people a king.  And throughout history, there has been, and continues to be, good rulers and bad rulers; people have been blessed and people have suffered at the hands of appointed leaders.

But one thing remains:


Is HE enough for us?

In Towdah, A Cancer Survivors Song of Hope, I asked the same question, as I wondered about my future; was I going to live or was I going to die?

You see, suffering was inevitable, and fear grew.

Just as fear is evident in my daughters words….and suffering seems inevitable.

But instead of running, my husband is right, we must stay.

We must stay and stand and endure the battle before us, in whatever form it comes.

AND, my question still begs to be answered:


Is HE enough for us?



 I see a man who was mocked, and bullied, and humiliated, and whipped.

I see bruises, and lacerations, and sweat, and blood.

I see suffering: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

This man hung on a cross…


…the One afflicted, looked up!

Jesus, filled with love, looked up and loudly called to the Father saying three things:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46


“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” Luke 23:46


I believe we must do the same.

You see…it has everything to do with TRUST.

Jesus first spoke to His father; He trusted in his Father’s plan and knew it was all for the best.  He knew also, that the people were ignorant of God and had no idea of the depth of their mistaken filled actions.  In the suffering, Jesus also felt the pain of separation from the Father as He bore all the sin of the world. Yet, Trust prevailed and Jesus used His last breaths to speak of total surrender; Trusting His father fully, committing His life and soul to Him.

He endured, to make salvation of our souls possible.

All who believe in Him, must be like Him.

So, I ask: Will you do the same? Will you be like Him?

Speak loudly to the Father in heaven – PRAY.

(“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14)

Have a heart of forgiveness for the ignorant folly of man….

Endure the suffering that is allowed…

Trust in God.

If you are a born again believer, now is the time to stand and pray and be like Jesus.

This is going to be a super charged election season, even still, will you stand with me and say:



He is enough!

Simple: One, Two, Three.

Not sure of what I posted yesterday?

You are not alone;

…so Jesus, re-stated three things.

ONE: “I am the gate” John 10:7

Jesus, as the gate, means that all who enter through Him will be saved.  He is the one way to Salvation. “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

TWO: “I am the good shepherd.” John 10:11

Jesus, as the good shepherd, means He is willing to lay down his life for his sheep, if needed.

THREE: “I lay down my life for the sheep.” John 10:15 b

And He did, because we needed Him to.

Simple: ONE, TWO, THREE.

And what do you think the reaction was to these things that Jesus said again?

The people were divided.  One side wanted to dismiss Him; the other side  entertained the ideas.   Neither side gained any understanding of the Truth; “If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.” John 10:24

Jesus’ reaction?

“I did tell you…” John 10:25 a

  I am God; “I and the Father are one.” John 10:30

So, here you have it.

Jesus and the Father are one; God.

Going through Jesus is the only way to get to the Father.

Just as He said, He laid down His life for ours;  HE CHOSE DEATH so that we could have eternal life.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:27 & 28

My reaction?

NUTS.  Any one walking away from this offer is just nuts!

What do you think?


Need time to ponder?   Cook up a meal and mull things over?

Try: 1,2,3, and then NUTS!


It is my prayer that all who read this will gain understanding of the Truth.

And then…..

What makes something or someone  GREAT?

Is it size?  Is it power?  Is it amount?

I believe it must be all of these and more, especially when you add the person-hood of God in the following of it. There have been a few times that I have truly felt the edge of God’s greatness in my life. Yes, the edge.  The fullness would destroy me and any of us.  One of these few times has been when I awake from sleep. You know those moments when you awake in such a way that you suddenly become conscious of being aware that you have been given another day?  Before your eyes even open, the hearing of your own breath, or the distant noise from inside or outside your home tells you, yes(!) I am still alive! 005

And then,

the first thought you think, is God.

These are moments that I have cherished down deep because it is the down deep that speaks into these very moments about which I am trying to share with you.

Already eyes closed.

 Already surrendered.

All ready.

And the first words falling over my lips were, How great Thou art, how great Thou art.

Awesome completeness filling me.

My mind spurred on:

Oh Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder, Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made…


Yes, afterward. THEN my soul sings, considering the awesomeness of who God is and all the things He has made from ant to universe(s) beyond and all the things in between including the care of each hair on my head.


This is the edge of how great God is.

Great in size — who can fathom?

Great in power — can anything compare?

Great in amount — what can contain?

The answer is no one, nothing, and absolutely nothing; only God is great!

For me, for you, He did the great things.  All He has made, His Son not sparing, burdens gladly bearing, to take away my sins!  Yes, my souls sings when I am filled with the awesome wonder of it all.  You?  Overflowing with peaceful overwhelming-ness; the flood of praise comes. Then, my eyes open and I am divinely prepared for my day as my feet hit the floor.  When my soul is filled with How great Thou art in the down deep, joy fills and an un-containable appreciation for my God is evident.


sings my soul, My Savior, God, to Thee….

My mom shared this link with me this morning – yes, close your eyes and just listen and may these words be your words today; this child’s voice is a blessing!  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=565874703479003

47 Things on Thursdays: A Brilliant Masterpiece

Flutterbys and Sinderwills.

These were two compound words that my six year old brain mixed up.  My utterances made my mother smile.  The kind of mother-smile that came across her face when she was “in-the-moment” totally enjoying her child. She knew what I meant. Butterflies and Windowsills, of course!

Compound words.  Two words, when put together, form a new thing or idea. Brilliant!

I experienced two Truths during my fight with cancer, that when put together, creates one brilliant masterpiece. 

Truth # 1: GOD…


GOD gave His Son for me.  Gave? Yes, He gave His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross – freely given… for me.

Truth # 2: He…


He (GOD) has a PLAN.  I write that in CAPS because it is properly HIS grand PLAN.  His PLAN is that all people will come to Him and receive His gift – His Son – whom He gave.

During my battle with cancer, I wrestled with the depth and meaning of these Truths.

“I am a sinner.  I am saved; I had accepted God’s free gift of salvation.  Wasn’t that enough?  Is it enough?  I had to decide” (p. 15 Towdah: A Cancer Survivor’s Song of Hope).

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).  Yes, He gave His Son for me!  I finally decided that Salvation was enough.  Whether I lived or whether I died during the battle of cancer, Salvation was enough because I had Jesus.  I had Salvation.  What more could God do for me?

Later, on p. 113 of Towdah: “I exclaimed with some disdain, Really Lord! This day was ordained for me?  This pain-filled day was appointed for me?  With exasperation and tears, I cried,Why?”     Believe it or not, even in my pain, I resolved  to offer thanksgiving: “Thank you for thinking of me and planning what is best for me” (p. 114).  In my thanksgiving, I was being changed and brought into a deeper understanding and acceptance of God’s PLAN of Salvation. 

God has a Plan for me.  He has a Plan for you. The execution is known only to Him.  Yet, we know that His PLANS for us are good.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”  Jeremiah 29:11. 

The giving of His Son + the PLAN He has for each of us together creates the brilliant masterpiece called Salvation. These two Truths about God sustained me as I endured the battle of cancer.  

Have you secured these Truths for  yourself?

Flutterbys and Sinderwills made my mother smile.  I suppose then, that claiming Valsation just might make the Father smile. If I had know the word Salvation when I was six, I just may have called it “Valsation!”   Wrestle if you need to.  I guarantee though, that you will find Salvation IS enough and His PLAN is brilliant.  A brilliant masterpiece!


CHECK OUT my book here: Towdah: A Cancer Survivor’s Song of Hope http://www.amazon.com/Towdah-Cancer-Survivors-Song-Hope/dp/1938092155/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365075457&sr=1-1&keywords=towdah

47 Things on Thursday: Challenge – See and Settle

What makes you think: B E A U T I F U L.

Is it a sunrise?  A concert?  A child’s laughter?  Chocolate mousse?  A lover’s glance?

So much captures our senses and fills our hearts in this world.  Even a midst the ugliness of our culture, the pollution, the chemicals, the imperfect… we humans are still able to think something beautiful.  We are so adaptable.  We are so desensitized.  We are so short sighted.  Perhaps to our benefit at times, yet I pause to think we have not even begun to really know B E AU T I F U L.

Challenge.  Can you see true beauty?

Jesus Wept. He wept over his friends’ death, and the effects of sin on the world,

Jesus Washed. He knelt down and washed the grimy feet of his friends.

Jesus Served. He thought of himself last and served others as a way to lead them; bread and wine so that we would remember Him – body and blood.

Jesus Prayed. He sweat blood as He prayed so intensely to His Father; then He surrendered all to His Father’s will.

Jesus Carried. He carried the rough wooden cross along the dusty uphill trek to Golgatha; He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.

Jesus Gave. He gave His mother, Mary, to His friend John; compassion and provision for those He loved.

Jesus Cried Out. He cried out, “Father, please forgive them!” With His last breaths He was pleading for you and me.

Jesus Bore. He bore the punishment of sin; took the blame and was separated from His Father for three days.

Jesus Rose.  He rose triumphantly from the dead – Victorious over death!

Jesus LIVES.  He is seated at the right hand of His Father.  He is fully alive and desires you to find the WAY that He has made for you to gain eternal life.

This, my friends, makes me think: B E A U T I F U L !

towdah paintings 077

He is Beautiful.

As I endured Cancer, I experienced Jesus as BEAUTIFUL.  I met Him where Truth and Mercy mingle as I struggled with the question: IS SALVATION ENOUGH?

Friends, this is the only question in the world worth answering.  Have you settled your heart to know the answer?  Can you see the Beauty?  In the tears, the hands, the feet, the heart, the arms, the legs, the body…..do you believe He did all He did for you?  And is it enough?

Challenge.  Settle this matter in your heart.

For me, it was a turning point in my life to truly know, without a shadow of a doubt, that whether I live or whether I die…salvation IS enough….more than enough.

Jesus Christ.  He is B E A U T I  F U L.  See the beauty & Settle the matter.

Enjoy this lovely song that proclaims How Beautiful He is.

towdah paintings 017

May you all have a blessed Easter and be filled with the knowing HE IS BEAUTIFUL.